Friday was out Matric 40 Days. I'm not sure if any of you guys have it - it's the day that marks 40 days(obviously) to the end of our school careers.
I honestly don’t know what’s so special about the number ’40,’ but there you have it.
I also managed to hand in my art term project by working through the night on Thursday. My deadline for my design project is tomorrow – I might need to pull another all-nighter. Damn procrastination.
I went to my friend’s 18th on Friday, where she made dinner for everyone. I got away with eating 2 lettuce leaves and a ring of aubergine, no questions asked.
When I got home that night I thought a lot about this pro-ana thing. It’s such a journey – such a process – and after a while it becomes part of everyday life. I can’t imagine NOT counting calories, NOT checking the scale 3 times every day etc. The irony is that we all have “goal weights.” When I reach mine, am I really just going to stop? Will it be that easy to give everything up and become “normal” again? There is no way in hell that I’ll be able to eat like I did before – I’ll balloon. Will I be happy when I reach my goal weight, or will I still see the imperfections? Fuckit, I don’t know.
Yesterday I went to a wedding, and they didn’t have ONE vegetarian item, so I had 3 pieces of salmon from my mother’s starter. The bride sat across from me, so I couldn’t NOT eat some of the dessert (terrible excuse, isn’t it?). Luckily the dessert portions were the size of sushi, so I had a little block of carrot cake. That was about it for the day. No, wait – I had 4 strawberries before we went.
I weighed myself this morning in a flat panic because I thought the carrot cake might have caused weight gain, but strangely enough I’d lost. I am now 45.6kg.(In pounds I think it’s 100.5).
Today I’ve had 6 strawberries, and I’ll have a sweet potato tonight.