Friday was out Matric 40 Days. I'm not sure if any of you guys have it - it's the day that marks 40 days(obviously) to the end of our school careers.
I honestly don’t know what’s so special about the number ’40,’ but there you have it.
I also managed to hand in my art term project by working through the night on Thursday. My deadline for my design project is tomorrow – I might need to pull another all-nighter. Damn procrastination.
I went to my friend’s 18th on Friday, where she made dinner for everyone. I got away with eating 2 lettuce leaves and a ring of aubergine, no questions asked.
When I got home that night I thought a lot about this pro-ana thing. It’s such a journey – such a process – and after a while it becomes part of everyday life. I can’t imagine NOT counting calories, NOT checking the scale 3 times every day etc. The irony is that we all have “goal weights.” When I reach mine, am I really just going to stop? Will it be that easy to give everything up and become “normal” again? There is no way in hell that I’ll be able to eat like I did before – I’ll balloon. Will I be happy when I reach my goal weight, or will I still see the imperfections? Fuckit, I don’t know.
Yesterday I went to a wedding, and they didn’t have ONE vegetarian item, so I had 3 pieces of salmon from my mother’s starter. The bride sat across from me, so I couldn’t NOT eat some of the dessert (terrible excuse, isn’t it?). Luckily the dessert portions were the size of sushi, so I had a little block of carrot cake. That was about it for the day. No, wait – I had 4 strawberries before we went.
I weighed myself this morning in a flat panic because I thought the carrot cake might have caused weight gain, but strangely enough I’d lost. I am now 45.6kg.(In pounds I think it’s 100.5).
Today I’ve had 6 strawberries, and I’ll have a sweet potato tonight.
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It actually sounds like you're doing really well. Keep up the good work. About that goal weight thing... who would know? I mean, tiny is never tiny enough, right? Or is it? Wow. That's just more confusing. Sorry. Anyway, stay strong and much love.
ReplyDeleteI wonder the same thing about once I get near my goal weight. I know I'll never give this up...I don't want to ever eat normal again. Especially since once I'm at my goal weight I'll have lost so much I'll be too terrified to eat normal ever again : /
ReplyDeleteSounds like you did really well though : D
I've never heard of the 40 day thing : / it does seem like such a random number...
Stay strong <4
never heard of the 40 day thing either!!
ReplyDeletei think im too tall to be 45kg but man u inspire and keep me motivated. i really like reading ur blog!
I really like your blog, it's really easy for me to relate to. I'm a petite dancer (5'3) as well, & most dancers are much taller than me. What type of dance do you do?
ReplyDelete& keep it up, 100.5 lbs is awesome! That's my goal as well. <3
I'm glad you like my blog!
ReplyDeleteI do ballet and contemporary and contortion, and you?