Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Attention Seeker

Today in one of my classes the girls were gossiping about some girl one of them recently saw at the mall – she’d left the school a couple of years back – who was now anorexic. They were making such a fuss about it, and then they began speaking about who in the grade had recently lost weight. All the while I’m sitting there nodding politely, and in my head I’m doing a jig and flailing my arms and screaming “NOTICE ME!,” because that’s what all of us really want, isn’t it? We want to be noticed. We live for the day someone says to us, “wow, you’ve lost weight.”
When an acquaintance of mine said to me “You’ve gotten so thin” I was on such a high for the rest of the day. I mean, I see it in the way my clothes fit, I see it on the scale, I see the way my collar and hip bones ar beginning to show, so WHY for fuck’s sake does no one else notice? This is like a slow version of suicide: I starve, I freeze, I lose most of my true friends, I become bitchy and generally unhappy and I put myself through hell, and NO ONE NOTICES. I just want some attention.



  1. They may have noticed and been afraid to say anything with you sitting right there. People get touchy about anorexia because they think it's so bad and just don't know how to help (as if we need help. haha. we're so much stronger than that). It could be that behind your back they're all saying "omg have you seen how thin tokyobambi has gotten. do you think she's anorexic? etc etc." Don't worry. I'm sure they've noticed.

  2. i think alot of people refrain from saying anything because its easier not too. sorta like ana's girl said. they do notice, we just dont notice them noticing!

  3. I was thinking about it yesterday, like "Woe is me, why is no one telling me how much weight I've lost!" but then I was like, if I saw a friend who I haven't seen in a while and they lost a ton of weight, would I say anything? Honestly I probably wouldn't. But still, when I see people that haven't seen me since 30lbs ago I just expect them to be like "You lost weight you look amazing!" and when they don't I'm like uggh, obviously nothing had changed.

    But sometimes people just don't say anything! And I know how you feel, sometimes I'm just like, I need attention, damnit.

  4. I bet they do notice but just don't want to say anything or are jealous : / I feel the same as you because we work so hard, but then people ignore it because often they are afraid of seeming rude : /
    I hope you feel better <3
    Stay strong <3

  5. Don't worry they notice it, but as the others said, maybe they didn't want to say anything in front on you..

    Well i think that the most important thing here is that you DO notice it, and it shows in your clothes and in the scale..so as long as you feel thin, fuck the rest of the people hehe

    Take care

  6. btw i love the header of your blog *-*

  7. Found you on the blog circle. Am I correct in assuming you're lolita? Because if you are, that's awesome, because I am too. :D