Today in one of my classes the girls were gossiping about some girl one of them recently saw at the mall – she’d left the school a couple of years back – who was now anorexic. They were making such a fuss about it, and then they began speaking about who in the grade had recently lost weight. All the while I’m sitting there nodding politely, and in my head I’m doing a jig and flailing my arms and screaming “NOTICE ME!,” because that’s what all of us really want, isn’t it? We want to be noticed. We live for the day someone says to us, “wow, you’ve lost weight.”
When an acquaintance of mine said to me “You’ve gotten so thin” I was on such a high for the rest of the day. I mean, I see it in the way my clothes fit, I see it on the scale, I see the way my collar and hip bones ar beginning to show, so WHY for fuck’s sake does no one else notice? This is like a slow version of suicide: I starve, I freeze, I lose most of my true friends, I become bitchy and generally unhappy and I put myself through hell, and NO ONE NOTICES. I just want some attention.